Being the Definitive Collection of Works by Allison Holt

VERY MUCH STILL A WORK IN PROGRESS

(Much like the author)

Truth Or Dare To Be Embarassed

Posted in on July 9, 2005

I don’t think I’ve ever in my life played a good game of Truth or Dare.

I’m thinking about my previous ToD experiences because Brian sent me a link today to Truth or Dare Online, a site partygoers can use to suggest various questions to be answered truthfully or actions to be accomplished, um, darefully. The kinds of questions the site spits out are configurable so that they’re appropriate for anything from pre-teen sleepovers to full-on adults-only orgiastic bacchanalia.

Every time I’ve ever played a game of ToD, it’s been in a group of people containing at least one, usually more, female in whom I had some level of romantic and/or sexual interest. Hell, even the one time I played a four-person game of ToD, I’d have gladly made the mad monkey sex (or any smaller subset of those activities making up the mad monkey sex) with either one of the two girls involved. And isn’t that what Truth or Dare is for (as an adult, anyway)? To have an excuse to play around with other people without the pressure of it meaning anything?

But oh, no, that’s not the way it ever worked for me. For some reason, I’ve always been the Offical Truth or Dare Comic Relief.

I’d watch as my friends, who tended to have better luck with the ladies than I did and therefore didn’t need the drunken lowering of standards of acceptable behavior provided by ToD, would take dare after dare that involved making out with hot chicks, or licking the bare bellies of hot chicks, or whatever else they were dared to do with hot chicks.

Me, though?

“OK, Allen, you have to sit at the bottom of the hottub and pretend like you’re enthusiastically masturbating while thinking about Stan. For one minute.” (Stan (not his real name) was our boss at the record store at which we all worked; his uncanny resemblance to Kermit the Frog did nothing to help put me in the mood for my mock masturbation. Neither did the fact that he was a guy.)

Here’s another of my favorites, one that I’m sure at least three of the readers of this blog will remember. In fact, if I’m not mistaken, one of the readers of this site was responsible for this particular dare as we sat in a big circle on the beach:

“OK, Allen, take off all of your clothes and go jump into the Gulf.”

The best part about that one, though, was the fact that I couldn’t find my glasses when I came nakedly up out of the Gulf. Fumbling around the beach for my glasses, Little Allen just kind of hanging there in the cool night breeze… not my most dignified of moments, I have to tell you.

Don’t get me wrong–I accept that these kinds of happenings are part of the game. You don’t play Truth or Dare in an attempt to seem elegant in front of your friends. I just hated the fact that in every game I ever played, I was the one to whom these things happened.

I think a large part of that was the fact that back in the days when I had less confidence than I do now, I’d give off the sort of desperate vibe that indicated to others that it probably wasn’t the best idea to foist me onto any girl who wasn’t already interested in me. Which I completely understand; god knows how badly I might have pulled the puppy-dog-follow routine on anyone dared into as much as kissing me.

But man, does part of me (only a part of me) wish I could have those days and those games back now–because I am such a different person in so many ways than I was then. I’m much more confident and several orders of magnitude more comfortable with myself…which, of course, makes me far, far sexier. The outside doesn’t look all that much different, but the inside has undergone a drastic revolution over the last few years.

So, to sum up… Me then: lonely; desperate; probably more than a little creepy to women. Me now: happily married; not even remotely desperate; far, far sexier.

The moral, of course: be comfortable with who you are, whoever that person might be, or no one else is gonna be, either.

Allison Holt spends her days wrestling with code and her nights wrestling with her amazing wife, three fantastic children and her big goofy rescue dog. You can find her at any of the social media links below, or you can email her at herself@alli.zone.

All wrestling referred to in the previous paragraph is metaphorical.